Bagel thins

so I've recently started eating bagel thins and I have to say I love them. I eat half of one at a time and put a teaspoon of whipped cream cheese on them and it's only 63 calories. Which I love!!! And that's what I plan on having for lunch everyday plus a few pieces of fruit.
Yesterday's calories I think ended up being around 330 calories but I according to my pacer app which counts your steps I took 10,741 steps yesterday and that burned 258 calories!!! And I'm going to try and do the same thing today so wish me luck!
So last I had a dream that my boyfriend broke up with me and I was crying so badly in the dream that I woke up kind of hyperventilating and I thought it was real. But when I woke up I rolled over and saw him sound asleep next to me which made me happy and i snuggled up next to him. It still scared me though.

So far my calories for today are 85 and I have 400 limit today. I'm also rushing a sorority and they are having a group dinner tonight and I'm going but I have to be careful of what I pick to eat. I'm thinking a very plan type of salad should be good and won't put me over. I'm also working out with a friend tonight who is in training to be a personal trainer and her workout will kick my butt. So I'm looking forward to that tonight. But tomorrow I might be grabbing lunch with a friend from a class I had a few semesters ago so I need to watch what I get then too.

I hope tonight's dinner goes great. This is my second time rushing and I am motivated to get to know as many girls as possible. I know I'll be sad if I don't get in this time and I won't be rushing again but I hope I leave with atleast a new friend because then it was worth it. Atleast I think so.

Xoxo
Britt<3

School week 1

So to start my first three days of school seem to be going okay. For one of my art classes though I just spent $160... Which sucks but atleast I don't have to buy many text books this semester so that's good atleast. One of my psychology classes which is psychology of women I think will actually be interesting. My teacher is my advisor and he's mad funny during class it's like every 10 minutes he's making a joke. But in my psychology of justice class I still have no idea what it is actually about all I know is that there is a ton of writing...which can be good and bad i guess I don't mind writing so it shouldn't be too bad. But that teacher he makes jokes and non of us know what he's talking about yet so he just laughs at his own jokes.

Eating wise has been okay I guess. I've been eating a lot of salads but I haven't kept track of calories. I just went food shopping yesterday so now I should be better off and more able to control what I'm eating. Today all I've had so far was a Greek yogurt that was 80 calories and since I'm doing the ABC diet it's the third day so I only can have 300 calories which shouldn't be too hard to do.

On another note this made me so happy my friend the other night said when she was looking for me she didn't know which one I was in the crowd of people until I turned around and she said it was because she didn't realize how skinny I've gotten!!!!! And this morning she sent me this text " I don't even think you know how gorgeous you are. So beautiful and you don't even need makeup to look bomb. I wish I could be you. Your boobs and ass are perfect. Your stomach looks amazing, your hair is flawless and your eyes are sooooo pretty. Tommy is one lucky fella" that really made my day. But the funny thing is I think she's fucking perfect she like 90lbs and like 5 foot. She's beautiful funny kind supportive just honestly the whole package in my opinion. I wish I could switch with her even for a day. She's also my best friend and is one of the only people who knows pretty much everything about me. She's the one person I can always go to and know my secrets are safe. Well the ones she doesn't share with her boyfriend but I trust him too and she is going through a lot of the same stuff I am so he understands and doesn't judge me for it.

That's all I have to report for today. Thank you to anyone who is reading my dribble.

Xoxo
Britt<3

So yesterday was shitty food wise I binged so much and my boyfriend took me out to dinner and we had hibachi which was soo yummy and the chef was picking on him so it was funny also. Then we went to Victoria secret and he said I had up to $100 to spend since its a late Christmas gift and I only walked out of there with panties. Still can use the rest at another time but I don't know what I want and I hate that he just follows me around it makes me feel awkward and like I'm taking to much time.  But what was weird was I was texting my boss for like 5 hours it was all innocent but idk it's just weird.  This is the first time anything like that has happened ...

Today hasn't been amazing either I almost binged but stopped myself and only ate one serving of Mac and cheese which was like 270 calories err 😕 but after I ate it I started feeling sick and I had to run to the bathroom because it all started coming up yuck. But I feel better knowing it's not all being turned into fat. Otherwise there's really not much to report for today. I just can't wait to go back to school Friday!!!

Xoxo
Britt<3

What is control

so pretty much since my last post I've failed so badly with control its been such a long binge and I hate myself for it. But I'm motivated now to work so hard to loose weight. I'm going to run every day once I'm back at school which will be this Saturday and I'm going to start going to classes and or have my friend who is a personal trainer at my schools gym. I'm also not buying anything possessed to an extent...I wanna eat nuts like almonds and walnuts which if they are raw are they proceeded? Idk but I'm eating healthy that's all I know. I also know that I'm going to have cheat days but that's ok once in a while. I also have a lower meal plan for school so I won't be able to eat the high fat carb and calorie filled fried food. I also need to buy a scale. On a good note though I met one of my goals and that was to be able to wear size one hollister jeans!!! I mean they are tight but atleast I can button them without sucking in my tummy or squiggling around to get them on.

I've started today with a coffee and walking two miles!!! It was fucking cold though since it's snowing. Anyways today the only thing I'm going to let myself eat is this organic Mac and cheese which comes out to 260 calories and if I stay to just eating that I will only have consumed less then 300 calories but not by much haha. All I know is that I can do this I will get down to less then 110lbs by the end of the semester.

Anyone reading this if you want to join me and be weight loss buddies and keep each other motivated drop ur kik or email down below. Can't wait to hear from someone!!

Xoxo
Britt<3

Tired doesn't even explain it

So I started working at bow tie cinema. It's honestly not a bad job. I started last Tuesday and by this upcoming Tuesday I will have worked about 65 hours!!! But I only get min wage which I think is $8.75 but in January it's going to become $9 so that's exciting but still it's going to be a nice check haha. The only thing that sucks is that I don't get paid till after my birthday and I'm not happy about that becasue I have no money to buy drinks. So hopefully goober does for my gift at the bars. But anyways it's honestly fun even though at the end of my shift I wanna cry my feet hurt so bad. But it's nice because I'm always running around so that's calories burned and I don't have to eat during my break...depending on when I have my breaks now I might start walking during them but I'm not sure... I'll decide later. On another note I had a really great day today I had a customer compliment me to my boss which made him really happy because I'm still new today was my 5th day and I already know how to do everything and I can hold down the fort by myself so he doesn't have to watch me or worry if I need help. I mean there are still things I need to learn but I got the basics down.

I haven't been such a good girl lately. I just can't bring money with me because if i do then I buy food I'm now going to try and not eat till after my shift but it depends on when my shift ends so I may even eat before I go to work and just burn my food calories off. I think that's a good move. Once I get my check I may buy cigs. I know it'll be three weeks with out them and I shouldn't start again but they may help me not eat. But I don't want to stink from them. I don't know lots to think about. On a good note though I reached 115lbs on Wednesday and I'm 116lbs as of this morning. I lost some from eating bad the last few days. But if I come up with a solid plan and schedule I should start dropping again.... I want to be atleast 110 by my birthday but i don't know if I can lose 6lbs in 10 days my body doesn't drop that quick. I know I need to drink water instead of soda at work I need to stay hydrated. At least they have coke zero at work it's so yummy and i love it.

So last night I went to lay in bed at 10:30pm but I didn't fall asleep till 3am and then one of my best friends gabby called me at 4:30am. When I talked to her today she didn't remember and she thinks someone put something in her drink because she had one drink and everything got blurred and she blacked out. And let me tell u this girl can drink a shit ton and be completely fine so one drink would be like handing her a glass of water so I feel bad for her. I am happy though that she called me during a time of such vulnerability because to me that shows she was thinking about me and trusts me and I'm one of the people she would call if she needed help. Only thing that sucked about her waking me up was that I had to work at 9am and I had to get up at 7am. Fuck was I tired today. My aunt gave me half of her prescription sleeping pill and I was drowsy kind of for like an hour now I feel nothing. I can't get a break. anyways I will try to keep on posting just been so busy and tired...a schedule will help a lot with everything going on.


Xoxo
Britt<3

Finally finished

So I finished my last final today for this semester. Which I'm so happy about but one of my friends started asking me about it and just mad questions and I was tired so I told him I'm done and don't wanna talk about school. Like hello I just finished I'm finally on break stfu please!!! Eating today was ok I had a bagel with some cream cheese and half a sub from subway. Goober hasn't said anything about me eating which is great and we haven't fought in like two days. Yay! But our last fight he did put a tiny hole in our wall which he's going to fix. I have no idea what I weigh and I can't go home to find out. I feel bad but I do wanna spend as little time as possible with him this break bc I wanna drop weight like no body's business. And I can only do that well when I'm at my aunts bc she doesn't pay attention to what I eat and as long as I have dinner she doesn't question anything. Gah it'll be so nice to finally relax and do what I want almost and to eat as much or as little I can't wait.

On another note I think my ceramics teacher really wants me to continue into level 3.  I'm not very good at it which is confusing but when I walked in for final crit. She asked if I was going to take ceramics 3 which I told her I don't know bc of the classes I still have to take. Then when we were looking at my pieces she said " when you take ceramics 3 we are going to work on cleaning ur edges up" and after when I was doing to leave she asked if I was going to take level three next semester which I told her that I was already taking painting and. 3D design and her response was oh ur going to be busy! Like ahh no! Don't tell me that gah I hate freaking out about art classes. Ik painting is like one of the most expensive art classes at my college so lucky me 😖

I wanted to go home today but goober wanted to stay and drink with friends and I'm so bored and sitting by myself in bed alone while they are blasting music. It wouldn't be so bad if my head didn't hurt so bad. I think I'm going to smoke a cig then a bowl and watch pretty little liars or something and then pass out. I just wanna go home.

Xoxo
Britt<3

Confused

things just aren't the same between me and my boy. He goes from loving me to hating me every few hours. I don't know what to do or if there is anything I want to do about it. I'm not hungry but I eat to keep him from saying anything. We have sex and cuddle but I don't feel it means anything. I'm trying really hard but nothing seems to help. I'm just tired. I'm going to see if being high all the time and not asking to many questions or saying much will do anything good. Maybe just staying out of the way will do some good... I just don't know I just dont