Lost?

So since my last post things are we're going ok till my bed went on my Facebook which I don't get how he got into my computer which is password locked soo yeah... There really wasn't anything too bad just at low points in our relationship in 2014 and I had started "talking" to guys but they weren't anything really bad but he got upset. So we faught about that and then I told him I think I have bulimia or that I'm at a slight risk for it and he kind of shut down. He left for two hours so he could take a walk which its fucking cold out so idk if he actually walked or went to the bottom floor in our house...in not sure bc I left to go to my friends who knows everything going on in my life. She helped a lot and still is. God I'm so lucky to have her. But when I got back home he wanted to talk and he was looking for answers I didn't have and I felt bad so I sort of lied I guess or atleast I tried to rationalize what went on to him... But he ended up giving me an ultimatum which was that if I wanted to stay with him then I need to go to a doctor and get help. Which scares me and I feel so numb now like when he touches me I feel like it's not me he's touching like I don't feel it even though I know that he is touching me or kissing me. I really don't wanna be around him and I'm not even sure if I want things to work out. He doesn't understand this could ruin my plan for life and delay what I want. I think he also thinks I just need to see the doctor and then things will be fine and everything will be amazing and I'll thank him for everything he's done. But how can help actually help if I don't want it? I may just bullshit it like I do with every shrink and she'll tell me I'm fine and then there won't be anything for him to worry about. I wish I had never told him... But if I hadn't where would we be now? I just wanna be alone and sleep. I wanna run away from my problems. Drown out my sorrows